Shrink
by Heden
Summary: With the war at an end, many of the students who were unable to complete their 7th year return to Hogwarts one last time. Only Headmaster McGonnagall has a surprise in store for the veterans. Mandatory Therapy sessions? Largely DH compliant.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of HP - I wish I did, then I wouldn't have so much college debt. **

**AN: please be aware that while this story sticks to most of what happened in DH - I choose, as always, to disregard "19 years later"**

Prologue

_**From the Desk of Doctor Hyacinth F. Puddmick**_

In the aftermath that followed the final battle of the Great Wizarding War, witches and wizards, both old and young, were left to pick up the pieces of their broken lives. Hardly a family is left that was not bereft of at least one relative. So many people made the war their entire lives, and now, with that war ended, they find themselves without a clear direction.

Unfortunately I am but one man. Much though I wish I could help mend all of the wounds that have been left in our world, I can only do so much. Naturally, after the war, there has been an increased demand for professionals in my previously quite unpopular field. While many post-war opportunities presented themselves to me, Headmistress McGonnagall's offer to join the Hogwarts staff was by far the most appealing. She has asked me to come aboard in an effort to assist both students and staff members alike with their painful memories and this difficult transition. While leaving my private practice will no doubt be difficult, and I shall definitely have less time to focus on my book, who am I to refuse? After all, I cannot deny the appeal of examining the psychological ramifications that the Great Wizarding War has had upon the young people most directly involved.

And so it is that I find myself here, upon September 1st of this year, the Wizarding Psychiatrist in residence at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. No doubt the students will not be thrilled to have mandatory Psychological evaluations added to their course schedule, but it is an unavoidable and necessary precaution with so many war veterans returning to complete their previously interrupted 7th year. Veterans are, after all, notoriously unstable, and with so many of them in close quarters, things are bound to explode eventually. I am confident that in time they will come to appreciate, and even look forward to, the emotional safe haven that our meetings will provide.

I intend to use a quick notes quill to transcribe the more interesting and problematic patients into this journal for possible future use in my book (if only I can encourage them to sign the damn waivers). What follows is a true and accurate account of my meetings with both students and staff - including the famed Harry Potter and his friends, who have returned to Hogwarts to complete their final year and NEWTs.

**A/N: So this is a very random idea for a story that sort of popped into my head at work today (when I was slacking but obviously should have been working) I intend to tell the untold story of the trio (and company)'s final year at Hogwarts. For the sake of this story it is assumed that a vast majority of the 7th years have been forced to repeat their final year because of the war. **

**I do intend to develop a plot, however I hope you will understand that a certain amount of exposition is needed to establish each character with their new 'shrink.'**

**I've never written a humor story before - and as I'm far more comfortable with description or poetry than dialogue, this story will lead me **_**far **_**out of my comfort zone. That being said, any input or constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Please do recall, however, that this is first and foremost intended to be humorous and entertaining. The writing style is so far from my norm that I'm not particularly comfortable with it yet myself. So I'm hoping, dear reader, that you can help me grow along with this story. **

**(and yes - I'll be including multiple ships along the way once I've established my characters, so please don't think you've been deceived if you happened to search my favorite ship and came up with this story!)**

**and now the Author's note is as long as the prologue, so I will simply remind you to review. Any and all input is greatly appreciated, as I said - this is a very new direction for me!**


	2. Harry Session 1

**A/N: Disclaimer at the beginning will apply to the entire story. All text in Italics is Dr. Puddmick speaking - everything else is the respective patient.**

_**HARRY - SESSION 1**_

So... are you just going to sit there and stare at me?

*silence*

You know, I get enough staring from the rest of the school every day; I don't need you to stare as well.

And how does that make you feel?

How do you think it makes me feel?

*silence*

Alright fine. I remember this one time, when I was eleven, it was right before I found out I was a wizard. My cousin Dudley always got whatever he wanted for his birthday, and this particular birthday he wanted to go to the zoo. Well, we were in the snake habitat, and Dudley had his face pressed up against the glass, just staring at this python as it slept. I thought then, at the age of eleven, that I knew exactly how that python felt. So being a young wizard with volatile magic, I accidentally set it loose, and trapped my cousin inside. He thanked me for his freedom, the python that is, not my cousin, but that's beside the point.

Excuse me Mr. Potter, the snake thanked you?

Oh... didn't I mention I'm a parselmouth?

Anyway, Turns out I was wrong about knowing how the python felt. As I got older I really learned what it felt like to be stared at like a wild animal. Sure, Hogwarts is no glass cage, but I've certainly felt like a freak show for about seven years. I mean, constantly having people gawking at your forehead and pointing would be enough to make anyone feel a bit mental.

Not that I'm mental. I'm not. I'm perfectly stable. Very happy. Voldemort is dead, I... killed him, so now I can go on with a normal life. Perfectly normal.

So you know, really I don't need to be here. Not at all. You're wasting your time you know - I'm sure there are loads of people who need your attention more than I do.

I even have a girlfriend - well sort of. Ginny was my girlfriend anyway. I guess now things are back to normal she'll be my girlfriend again. That is - unless she was only into me because I was supposed to die.

Scratch that. She's definitely into me. We spent all summer together. I mean, ok, so we didn't kiss or anything but what should I expect after...

Why am I telling you this? Forget what I said. I'm a happy normal Gryffindor boy.. er, man… with a wonderful girlfriend who wants nothing more than to have those bloody reporters leave me alone.

You aren't allowed to talk to reporters right? Because if you are, that was all off the record - you print any of it and I'll deny the whole thing.

I don't talk to any reporters Mr. Potter; everything that happens here is strictly confidential.

Good.

...I really am fine you know. I mean sure, I dropped out of school to set out on a quest to kill the darkest wizard of all time, at the end of which I died, had a very bazar out of body experience where I had a conversation with... well never mind. The point is, I came back, killed an evil wizard, and when things got back to normal my two best friends started dating, well actually I guess that was before things got back to normal.

Well I guess it isn't really "normal" is it? I mean Voldemort has been around my entire wizarding life, so I guess normal for me is having a murdering psychopath trying to kill or maim me at every turn. But I'm back now, to complete my only year at Hogwarts where no one will try to kill me.

No one is going to try to kill me right? They are telling me everything this time?

Heh... kidding, kidding. I'm really not that paranoid. I'm not paranoid at all.

Anyway, of course I sometimes wonder where I'm going to go from here, but who doesn't at my age?

Well, Hermione doesn't, but she's had her whole life planned out since she was eleven. Most people can't live that way. Though I wonder if she knew she was going to date Ron when she was eleven.

That's just creepy. I mean sure it's not creepy that they're together now (maybe a bit annoying, but not creepy) but to have planned even the relationships you would have as you grew up would be creepy. But I have to admit, I wouldn't put it past Hermione.

Though if she did plan it, I'm not sure she knew how physical Ron would get. I mean I remember her saying something about Krum being more of a "physical being," but I swear I can't picture anyone being worse than Ron. And I thought he and LavLav were bad. I swear the two are always together now, and I have to wonder whether it doesn't get on Hermione's nerves just a bit. Ron can be quite needy. Plus makes it a little hard to talk to them about my problems sometimes, which was never an issue before. They've both always been there, so...

Did I say problems? I really don't have any problems. Staring just makes me uncomfortable, that's all. And since Voldemort died everyone has either been staring or asking me personal questions non-stop. If Dumbledore were here he would have…

*Ahem*

I mean, Ginny usually helps, but honestly I think the staring bothers her too. Usually Ron and Hermione would be there to take a little of the edge off, but they're a bit busy with each other lately. They're like a couple of randy teenagers! Well… Ron is at least.

It's not that I'm jealous of Ron and Hermione or anything, but it would be nice if they could make a little more time for me. I mean, without me they wouldn't even be friends – Ron hated her first year. Now it's like they're attached at the face. And, I mean, Hermione is practically my sister, right? So I guess I finally understand how Ron felt when I started dating Ginny. He's my best mate, but sometimes, the way he looks at Hermione, I want to punch him or something… you know, to defend her honour.

Not that Hermione needs defending, she's nothing if not independent. And if Malfoy's reaction third year was anything to go by, she has a mean right hook. It's just, the way Ron talks about her when it's just the guys – he can be down right vulgar. And however randy they may be, I know half of what he says is absolute bollocks. Anyone who knows Hermione would never believe she would let him… well I mean…

*Ahem*

Anyway, Hermione just isn't like that. That's all.

Hermione and Ron, they're the two that went with you to destroy the horcruxes?

Yeah, they were with me every step of the way.

Well, Hermione was anyway. I know it wasn't in the final report, but Ron and I had a bit of a falling out for a little while; he seemed to think there was something between Hermione and me… which is obviously ridiculous. I mean she's pretty and all, but she's got nothing compared to Ginny. So he left, and for a few weeks it was just me and Hermione.

And how did that make you feel?

Really, again with the stereotypical question?

*silence*

*sigh*

Fine. I admit I was rather pissed at Ron for a while – I mean defeating Voldemort should have been more important than any relationship. Hell, I broke up with Ginny so I could stay focused. And he has the nerve to think I'm going to mess up our friendship by going after my best friend/sister type person… who I happen to know he's been in love with since third year?

The horcruxes were what was on my mind! So what if I was spending more time with Hermione than he was? Can I help it if she's the brightest witch of the age, and he's... well… Ron? At least she recognized that victory was more important than any personal feelings. I know she wanted to go after Ron when he left, but she stayed. Damn Ron and his pride! So Hermione and I talked more about the horcruxes with each other – if we ever wanted to find them we had to, it wasn't like he was contributing much other than complaints!

I'm sensing some unresolved anger towards your friend Ronald, Mr. Potter.

That's ridiculous. Ron is my best mate. He is just mule headed and hot tempered sometimes, and when he gets like that it's like trying to reason with a troll!

I mean, Hermione is no better in her own way, once she gets an idea in her head. It's her fault that they both came along in the first place. I mean, sure, I wouldn't have found all the horcruxes without them, but sometimes, I swear they…

And if it weren't for Ron, I know Ginny would be…

*silence*

Wow… maybe I really am angry at…

Ah, would you look at the time Mr. Potter! We will have to pick up here next session.

But I just…

If I could just have you sign this waiver before you go.

I don't think...

_Well no matter, we'll talk about that next session too. Meanwhile, _try not to think too hard on the feelings we have unearthed here today, we'll study them in more depth next time. Until then, study hard! You are dismissed.


End file.
